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When these words come up in people’s lives it often brings up anxiety. People misunderstand what conflict and confrontation actually are about. We will define them as the following;

Conflict; an incompatibility, a state of opposition/difference of feelings or opinions, a disagreement or argument, go against

Confront; be face to face with, deal with head-on, present somebody with something, to face something or someone

For the most part, people think of conflict and confrontation as aggressive and hostile behaviors. They tend to either shy away or bullishly move forward into them to protect themselves. This comes from the great misunderstanding of what these two words actually mean and what they are about.

People who shy away from conflict and confrontation are often fearful of the repercussions of standing up for themselves. They also may feel they have no right to express themselves or their opinions. There is also often the fear of having to feel someone’s wrath because you do not agree with them.

For example, you are in a discussion with your husband/wife about where you are going to go on vacation. You know that your husband/wife wants to go somewhere else. You may figure that if you say where you really want to go and that you don’t want to go where they do a fight will ensue. You may also know that you commonly get the cold shoulder or are greeted differently when you disagree. So rather than express your feelings you keep quiet so as not have to feel the wrath of your husband/wife or deal with the cold shoulder or mean attitude you might receive because you have a different opinion.

People who moved bullishly forward commonly believe that if they don’t push their way through they won’t get what they want. This is often done you regardless of the repercussions. These people are more concerned with getting what they want or trying to avoid not getting what they want that they don’t care about the repercussions or wrath of the other person. If the other person gets aggressive they will just get more aggressive and wreak their own wrath upon the other person until someone gives in, hopefully, the other person. This is just the contest of aggression and will which all too commonly is perceived of as strength. The truth of the matter is this is just being a bully because you are afraid you won’t be heard, your opinion won’t be valued or you won’t get your way.

Both of these attitudes leave no room for a solution because they believe that their solution and outcome is the only or best one.

Conflict is merely when to differing opinions or ideas meet at the same place. It is a difference of opinion. It is as simple as “I disagree with you”. When you understand that this is all that conflict is, then there would be no need to fear it or become aggressive to bully your way into getting what you want.

Confrontation is simply coming face to face or presenting a situation to someone. It is bringing a situation to light and not keeping your feelings or the fact that there is a conflict a secret. Confrontation is exposing secrets so that problems or conflicts may be resolved.

It isn’t so much about conflict or confrontation as much as it is about you and what you believe will happen if you have a differing opinion. These attitudes are fear and bully oriented and does not leave room for you to express who you are or allow the other person to express who they are. This can be done without their having to be a winner or loser. There can be this time it is my turn and next time it is yours or maybe we can agree on something that has a little of what both of us are wanting. True confrontation is solution oriented.

 

Next time you’re in conflict with someone and are feeling anxious or the need to be aggressive ask yourself these questions.

 

• Why do I feel anxious or the need to be aggressive?
• What is it that I believe will happen if I say what I feel?
• How can I make this work for everyone?

Beneath the surface of conflict and confrontation anxiety there are belief systems and attitudes at work. When you discover and read program your belief systems so that they are not fear or of aggression oriented you will find that conflict and confrontation will turn into cooperation and mutual respect. Everyone has a right to express what they want or what they feel, even if another person does not agree. If you are solution oriented you will be able to express yourself and find an answer that works for everyone at this time.

By not saying what you feel and shying away from conflict and confrontation you deny your own inner voice and right to be who you are. This is the abandonment of self. By being a bully or aggressive you deny the right of others to be who they are. In doing so you create an air of disrespect of yourself by the fact that you disrespect others.

Respect and honoring others even if you do not agree with them is an act of kindness. Using conflict as a marker for your own growth and confrontation as a way to make change is the highest quality of the words conflict and confrontation.